Thinking

It's a lonely night at home. Lying on a bed, waiting for nothing. Thinking.

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Friendship. Everybody have their own besties isn't it? And best friend is a choice. We choose and we determine who we want to be our best friend....forever. Who we want to trust, who we want to be with. And me, I think I have some. Some who stays and some who left. It's life.

And me myself, maybe not the one who good enough to be someone best friend. or to be specifically, YOUR best friend. I am me. The one who can speak without taking a breath just to talk everything in my mind, what I feel and what I face. The one who can listen the same stories with a boring face but still keep listening and trying her best to give a great advice even she's maybe didn't follow what she had advise others. ba-ha-ha. The one can suddenly remain silent and then suddenly appear just to know what was going on in her bff's life. The one who can be great, and more to be bad. Maybe.

Thank you for accepting me as one of a good friend in this short lifetime. Thanks for guides me to the true path until I can be who I am today. Thanks for all the cherish moments we have shared, thanks for all the laughs and tears that we had along our journey. I do love you with all my heart even maybe I have been so far away from your life.

Frankly speaking, I'm thinking about one. That makes me sometimes feel mad at myself for thinking about the one who maybe already decided to leave me. Ohh I'm not writing to spread to the world how bad she is, or how pity I am. I'm just thinking about friendship. How far you can go to accept someone who at first is a stranger to be your forever friends. How long? She has stopped and leave me without any clue. and yes, it hurt myself each time I'm thinking about it. Even in my busiest life, I do think about this. And, I have e.n.o.u.g.h.

Enough for this. Enough for everything. My tears is enough for this. It just breaks my heart. Really. All my messages were never been replied since 4 months ago. My calls never been hang up. Never text me back to explain.

Please. Face the reality. Face this cruel world. Face this injustice life. And thats why we need a best friend. To support, and to give strength. Not only the love from a man who we never known will be our future husband or not. And if I'm not the one, please choose somebody else and proof to the world, that you can stand to fight. To be someone who have the strongest heart with a brilliant mind and incredible person.

Don't follow my track. Don't stalk my life. It will just hurt you to see my happy life with my other forever best friends. And it maybe hurt you more knowing that how closed we have been. I'm not leaving you. I just trying to give you space if we can still continue to be a best friend as we always be. But it seems to be nothing. And it will ends here. I know you will never response. And I hope you will stop read my blog. Trust me. It will hurt you more.

Thanks for everything you have done for me. For good and bad.

Goodbye.


footnote: I maybe never been in love with a man because of my thoughts but I always be in love with my best friends. I feel what loves it. I treasure them all even maybe I don't have any idea how to appreciate them. It's your choice to stay or to leave by my side. I'm okay with both. And I will be okay with which ever you prefer. Love you much. Take care for all.